Love and Friendship
by Feline Ranger
Summary: The rest of the posse feel jealous when Lister makes a new friend, but they don't know the half of it...Yay, it's finally finished!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: Don't own Red Dwarf or any of the characters therein. But then if you're reading this, you probably know that...

Love and Friendship

_Okay...Just to make life complicated, this is set in a series eight where the crew have returned to Red Dwarf and met up with Rimmer, but haven't been sent to the brig. Because I say so. _

Lister wheeled his trolley down the corridor; whistling cheerfully. His shift was almost over and there was a zero-gee game being broadcast through the ship tonight. Okay, it was approximately three million years old, but Lister hadn't seen it and neither had anyone else, so it was almost as good as watching it new. He didn't want to think about what would happen when the season the ship had on tape ended. After that they would just have to hope they would come across a post pod or a derelict that had more. The alternative was too terrible to contemplate.

Lost in thought, he didn't see the other trolley as it came round the corner, and they collided head on. "Ooof!" The handlebar went into Lister's stomach and winded him. "Ah, crap!" A good-natured voice said mildly, "Sorry, mate, didn't see you coming! You alright?" Lister looked up and nodded. It was Alex Hunter from Y-shift. "I'm okay, man," he managed, "My fault. Wasn't lookin'."

"That makes two of us then," Alex grinned. Lister smiled back, weakly. He didn't really know Alex that well. Y-shift was a few steps up from them and therefore he tended to hang around with a different crowd; although most of the work-teams from W downwards shared a certain sense of camaraderie, born of being looked down on by absolutely everyone else. They usually smiled and nodded to each other and that was about it.

Alex scanned the floor for anything they might have knocked off the trolleys; "Don't think we broke anything. Looks like we might get away with it," he smiled impishly. "Good," Lister grinned, "I was just packing it in for the night anyway. Last thing I need is to fill out a stack of damage reports."

"Tell me about it. I want to get back in good time to see the game."

"Yeah," Lister perked up at the word, "Me too. That's pretty much what I was thinking about when I knocked into you. Promises to be a good one tonight, eh?"

"Oh, yeah. The Jets are really at the top of their game right now."

"Although," Lister stuck his chin in the air, defending the home team, "The Lions have been playing very well this season."

"Perhaps. But O'Neilson is still their main asset and he's no match for Jim Bexley Speed."

"_Nobody's_ a match for Jim Bexley Speed," Lister replied, with a dreamy edge to his voice.

"Say," Alex tilted his head to one side, "Why don't you come over tonight and watch the game at my place? I was thinking of getting a few of the lads round, opening a few cans...My creepy roommate Higgins hates zero-gee, so he'll be out all evening and we can use his bunk as an extra sofa."

"That sounds like fun," Lister was chuffed, "Usually I have to watch with the volume on low 'cause Rimmer's trying to revise or something stupid, so it would be nice to actually hear the commentators for once."

"Great!" Alex seemed genuinely pleased, "Blue Corridor, number 58! Pop by about half past seven, yeah?"

"Cool. See you later, then!"

Lister dropped off the trolley and made his way back to his quarters in a very good mood. "What are you so happy about?" Rimmer demanded, as he came in. "Going out," Lister beamed, "I just got invited to go and watch the game with some people."

"Who?"

"Alex Hunter. You know him?"

"Vaguely," Rimmer shrugged. He didn't really know anyone that well except for Lister and, recently, the rest of the posse. "Still," he remarked, "Doesn't seem to me like much to get excited about."

"Who's excited?" Lister replied, "Just sounds like fun, that's all, getting to chat to some new people for a change. You never want to watch the footie with me."

"That's because it's a daft game and I have better things to do with my time than watch grown men run around on ceilings, thank you."

"I'm not even going to dignify that with a response." Lister shook his head, smiling. "Just tell the others I won't be coming up to the bar tonight, will you?"

"Fine," Rimmer sniffed.


	2. Chapter 2

Lister arrived at Alex's room just after seven-thirty with a six pack of Leopard lager. "You made it! Nice one!" Alex greeted him, "First one here, too."

"Who else is coming?" Lister asked politely. The chances of him knowing anyone were pretty slim. Alex reeled off a few names and, as he'd suspected, they were all people he either didn't know well or didn't know at all.

"Hey, you brought Leopard!" Alex beamed, "I didn't think anyone else liked this stuff!"

"Brutal," Lister grinned, "More for us." Alex took the cans and stashed them in the fridge, "You want to stick some music on while I sort out some snacks?" he called, waving his arm vaguely in the direction of a stack of CD's piled messily in one corner of the room. Lister wandered over and sat cross-legged on the floor, browsing through the pile while Alex hunted for crisps behind him. "You like Rasta Billy Skank?" he asked in disbelief, pouncing on an album he recognised.

"Oh, yeah," Alex looked up; "Back in art school me and my mate Tom used to spend hours skiving off our lectures listening to that." He smiled broadly, "Ah, the memories..."

"I went to art school!" Lister said brightly, "Well...for a bit, anyway. Kinda dropped out."

"Me too," Alex replied confidentially. They grinned at each other.

Another album caught Lister's eye and he picked it up with a smile, "N-Sync – The Greatest Hits?" He held it up accusingly.

"You're not into retro music?" Alex asked innocently. Lister raised an eyebrow. "Oh, sod off!" Alex laughed, "My ex-girlfriend left it here ages ago, alright? It's not mine!"

"Whatever." Lister dropped it as though it was something distasteful.

There was a knock at the door; "Never mind. Forget the music," Alex said, "The guys are here and the game will be starting in a couple of minutes anyway." He went to the door and let in his friends. Lister stood up and Alex did the introductions. They all seemed friendly and accepted Lister into the group without much ceremony; and a few minutes later they were all piled onto the sofa and surrounding areas waiting for the game to start. Alex came and sat beside Lister on the sofa, with the pack of Leopard lager between them.

It was a good night. In fact, it was a great night. They drank, they shouted, they cheered, they threw peanuts at the screen. To Lister, it seemed almost surreal. It was all so terrifyingly...normal. He couldn't remember the last time he'd just hung out with other people this way. In fact, he couldn't remember the last time he'd hung out with _anybody_ outside of the posse.

At the end of the night, Alex stopped him as he and the rest of the crowd started to drift away back to their own rooms. "This was fun. Next week they're showing the Sheffield-Portsmouth game to decide who'll be against the Jets in the play-off," he reminded him, "You want to come over again?"

"Yeah, sure!" Lister felt inordinately happy at the invitation. He'd never much felt the need to be part of a group, but his acceptance by Alex and the rest of the guys this evening meant more than that. To him, it was a sign that despite everything he'd done in the past few years, he wasn't weird. He was still normal. Normal enough to be able to make friends with normal human people; and that was very good to know.

"Brilliant," Alex grinned, "If we can make this a regular thing my roommate might just decide not to come back!"

They laughed and Lister made the walk back to his quarters feeling as though he were walking on air.


	3. Chapter 3

Lister met up with Alex again several times over the following weeks, to go the cinema or have a drink, or just generally hang out. They got on so well and had so much in common that Lister felt it was a shame they'd not met sooner. He thought about how much easier things might have been if he'd had someone like him to talk to after the crew got wiped out, instead of Rimmer. Maybe he wouldn't have had to feel so alone all that time...

When Friday night rolled around, he got back to his quarters to find Rimmer and the others waiting for him. "Hi, guys," he said amiably, "What's up?"

"Don't you remember, bud?" Cat asked impatiently, "We're all meant to be going to see that vintage movie they're showing. That one about the toys with the really old computer graphics!"

"Oh!" Lister bit his lip. He did remember Kriss saying something, but he hadn't really registered it at the time. "Sorry, guys. I'd love to come with you, but I promised Alex last week that I'd go over and watch the game with him."

Rimmer made a disgusted noise, "Haven't you seen enough of that git recently?"

"He's not a git!" Lister snapped, "And you'd be a fine one to talk, even if he was. Anyway, I promised."

"Rimmer's got a point, Dave," Kriss said gently, "We've hardly seen you recently;" she looked a little uncomfortable, "And...well...it feels odd not having you around."

"Yeah," the Cat chimed in, "It's thrown the whole group all out of sync! Especially me! Cats don't like change! Everything smells all wrong when you're not with us!" Kryten patted him soothingly on the back, and looked up at Lister, "I am inclined to agree, sir. It would be nice for us all to spend the evening together. And after all, it is just one football game."

Lister faced the group with a slightly pleading expression, "Look, guys, I'm sorry if you feel like I've been ignoring you, and I know it feels sort of weird for me to be spending so much time with someone who's...well, someone outside of _us_; but I don't think you understand why I need this."

"You _need_ to watch the football?" Rimmer asked with disdain.

"It's not the football, that's important, you gimboid," Lister said, frustrated.

"Well, what is it then?"

"It's having a friend!"

"But _we're_ your friends."

"A _normal _friend!" Lister burst out. The others stared at him, confused and slightly affronted. He sighed and carried on; trying to explain.

"It's like this," he said. "You guys...You're like my family and I love you, but there's something missing in my life. I don't think you understand quite what it means to me to have this kind of friendship with someone after all this time. Just a nice, normal, guy friendship. Someone who I can watch the footie with without them commenting on how well the kits are tailored," he looked at the Cat, "Or how difficult they must be to wash," he turned to Kryten, "Or what a moronic sport it is," Rimmer frowned uncomfortably, "Or having to stop and explain the rules every five minutes," Kriss looked down. "Someone who's never battled shape-shifters, or been erased from history, or heard of a white hole or dimension-jumping! Just somebody normal!"

The other members of the posse looked silently at their feet. "Do you see what I'm saying?" Lister asked softly, "This is the first chance I've had in six years to get away from all that. To just be me, Dave Lister, without all the crap of being the last human alive or an intrepid space adventurer. This is my chance to be the person I could have been without all that. And as much as I care about you guys, and wouldn't change what we've shared for anything, I would really like that chance. So, please, don't make this so hard for me."

Kriss, Kryten and the Cat murmured soft apologies. Rimmer folded his arms and looked away. "Come on, man," Lister prodded, "I'm not ditching you! I just need a little time with other people now and then."

"Look, you just do whatever you like, Lister;" Rimmer said, standing up disgusted, "You've never let me hold you back before, so why should you start now?"

"Rimmer...!"

"Okay, okay!" Kriss held up her hands to quiet them, "Just calm down, both of you. How about this? Tomorrow night we'll all go out to the Jungle Club on E deck. Dave, you invite Alex along and maybe we can all get to know each other a little better. I think that would help to solve a lot."

"Okay," Lister said quietly, then looked over at Rimmer.

"Fine," he snapped, folding his arms.

It was a date.


	4. Chapter 4

The Jungle Club was one of the hottest night-spots on the ship; not because it was particularly fancy or exclusive but simply because the music was good and the drinks were reasonable. By the time they got there the place was already buzzing. The bars were crowded and the dance floor was starting to fill up. Alex had to shout into Lister's ear to make himself heard over the music, "You want to get a drink?" Lister nodded, then turned to the others and mimed drinking movements to get the point across. They all gravitated over to the nearest bar.

Lister felt oddly nervous about tonight. He really wanted the others to get to know Alex, and like him; but he had a feeling that although the others were making an effort, that Rimmer might be a little harder to win over. He'd been polite, but icy all evening. Cat was easy enough to please; Alex was well-dressed and that was all he asked. Kriss and Kryten were both fairly eager to make friends so that they could all spend more time together, and Lister had a suspicion that even if Kriss had been unsure, that Alex would have managed to charm her – they seemed to be getting on very well.

In fact they seemed to be having a fairly animated chat, albeit in the 'yelling-at- each-other-over-the-music' kind of way. They laughed at something and Lister suddenly felt weirdly uncomfortable with their chumminess. He stepped in between them, "What are you guys drinking?"

He had rather hoped that after a few drinks Rimmer might lighten up a bit, but he seemed determined to be grumpy. He stood slightly away from the rest of the group with a glass of white wine and made no effort to join in the conversation at all. Lister was about to go over and say something to him, when Alex grabbed his arm and pulled him out onto the dance-floor, gesturing to the others to come with them. Lister rolled his eyes, but went with him, smiling. He should have known Alex would want to dance. Despite his protests, he had a sneaking suspicion that the N-Sync CD he'd found in his quarters was actually his. He did love his cheesy music.

As if by magic, the crowded dance floor opened up to make room for them. The sight of Kryten tap-dancing tended to make people move themselves slightly further away; and if that didn't do it, then the Cat's extravagant kicks did. They made such an odd group, Lister really found it impossible not to laugh when he thought about how strange they must look. But then, he found he didn't actually care. He was having a great time. "I thought you didn't like retro music!" Alex shouted into his ear with a knowing grin. "I'll tell everyone I was drunk!" Lister shouted back cheekily. They laughed happily and Alex caught his hand and twirled him, much to Kristine's amusement.

As Lister turned, he caught sight of Rimmer standing just off the dance floor, watching him and Alex with his arms folded and a very sour expression on his face. Lister smiled and waved for him to come over and join them. Rimmer shot him a look of pure disdain and walked off. Lister watched him go, feeling more than a little hurt. He felt Alex gently tug his hand and turned to see him looking at him sympathetically. He'd seen it too. "Don't worry about it, Dave," he shouted into his ear, "The guy's an asshole. Forget him." Lister smiled weakly and allowed Alex to draw him back into dancing. If Rimmer wanted to be moody, he could. He wasn't going to let it spoil their fun.


	5. Chapter 5

For the most part, the night was a success. They had a good time and Alex charmed the others enough that Lister was granted unofficial and unspoken permission to continue spending time with him. The only downer on the whole evening was Rimmer.

At some point, presumably shortly after Lister had spotted him scowling at them, he had just left the club altogether, not even bothering to come over and say goodbye. It wasn't until the rest of them finally decided to call it a night, and searched the club to tell him they were leaving, that they even realised he had gone.

When Lister got back to their room, the lights were off and Rimmer was in bed. Stifling a huff of annoyance, Lister undressed in the dark and hopped up onto his own bunk. Another time he might have turned the lights on and woken him up deliberately, just to annoy him. But although part of him was angry and did quite feel like starting a row and telling him so, another part of him just couldn't even be bothered with that. As much as he hated to admit it, Lister was feeling very hurt by Rimmer's behaviour and didn't actually want to talk to him at all. The whole reason they'd planned this evening had been because of him; to include him and make him feel better, and he'd just thrown it back in their faces. He hadn't even tried.

Lister rolled over to face the wall and curled up moodily. Well, he'd had it. Why should he always be the one who had to make an effort? Why did he always have to adjust his plans and his wants to accommodate Rimmer's sulks and tantrums? Enough was enough. Alex was a better friend than Rimmer had ever been. He didn't need that smeghead! Rimmer could go to hell!

He didn't notice as he fell asleep, that he should have been able to hear Rimmer's breathing in the bunk below – slow and steady, as of someone who had been asleep for hours. So it didn't occur to him that perhaps Rimmer had been lying awake in the dark all this time...feeling very alone and abandoned; waiting for him to come back. And wishing like anything he'd gone over to dance with them...


	6. Chapter 6

By the time Lister woke up in the morning, Rimmer had already got up and gone out. He felt a small tug of relief. He didn't particularly want to face him yet and start the whole rigmarole of arguing with him over his behaviour the previous evening. Instead he got dressed and went over to Alex's.

His roommate, 'Creepy Higgins' as they'd christened him, had moved out about a week ago; stationed on a scout mission. Alex had applied for the same one but had been turned down yet again. It was his dream to go out on one of these exploration voyages - the whole reason he'd joined the space corps. He was dying to get out and see what was really out there, to investigate the infinite possibilities of the galaxy; and the stories of those who'd done their six months on the scouters - of weeks upon weeks of crippling boredom, often discovering nothing at all and perhaps - very occasionally – a new kind of rock formation, had not put him off. It was another of the little things that often made Lister wish Alex had been part of the posse. They'd seen and done so much that he would have been thrilled with. Either way, Higgins' absence meant that he could turn up pretty much whenever he felt like it; and the two of them could do whatever they felt like doing. It was a good arrangement.

Alex opened the door with a grin; "Thought I might be seeing you this morning. I put coffee on," he told him cheerfully.

"Cheers, man. How's your head?"

"Bit sore. I'm guessing you're the same?"

"Uh-huh," Lister nodded. Alex handed him a mug of coffee and they folded up on the sofa and stuck the TV on. "Did you find out why Rimmer disappeared last night?" Alex asked eventually. Lister shook his head, "No. He was already in bed when I got back and he was gone when I woke up. To be honest, I'm not even sure if I care why he buggered off, or what he's got to say about it."

Alex regarded him carefully, "You're still pissed off?"

"No. Well...Not really." Alex just raised an eyebrow. "Alright, maybe. Sort of! I just don't understand why he has to be such a git all the time!"

"So...that's a yes, then," Alex smiled. Lister sighed and looked down at his coffee,

"I know I shouldn't let it bug me. But it does."

Alex seemed to think for a moment or two, then reach a decision. "Okay. You know what we're gonna do?"

"What?"

"We're going to forget all about Rimmer for today. Have you eaten?"

"No."

"Good. Then we'll start by going out for a really greasy hangover-curing brunch. A fry-up or cheeseburgers or something. Then we'll go the A.R. arcade and play some games until we get hungry again. Then we'll have arcade hot dogs for dinner and go out for a drink. That sound good?"

"That sounds sublime," Lister replied, a grin creeping across his face. They clinked their coffee mugs together and laughed. Lister felt better already.


	7. Chapter 7

Alex was as good as his word. It was a hugely fantastic, utterly satisfying and completely laddish 'lets-forget-about-Rimmer' day. They ate crap, drank about a ton of cola, got thoroughly hyperactive and giggly, let out all their sugar-fired energy on the A.R. games (Lister beat Alex three times at _Jupiter Grand Prix Racer_, but then Alex beat him to a pulp on the _Zero-Gee Kickboxing_) and then went for a quiet drink to round off a perfect day.

As they sat at their table in a companionable silence, sipping at their lagers and watching the rest of the world – or rather the ship - go by, it occurred to Lister that this was exactly how he'd always wanted his life to be.

"What are you smiling at?" Alex asked him.

"Nothing really," Lister shrugged, "I'm just happy."

"Oh. Good," Alex smiled, "I'm happy you're happy. You want another drink to bolster that happiness?"

"I think I could manage one."

"Excellent. My round." He got up and went to the bar.

Lister watched him from their table as he stood there and waited to be served. He saw him shake his hair out of his eyes in a gesture startlingly similar to that of a certain Ace Rimmer, although without the smug self-awareness, and Lister felt a smile skip across his face. Alex really was very good-looking. All dark hair and bright blue eyes. Lister wondered vaguely if he was jealous about that, but he didn't think he was. Not jealous exactly. Envious perhaps. Lister wasn't someone who'd ever really been that concerned about his own appearance, as most of his wardrobe went to show, but almost without realising it, he'd started to make an effort when he knew he was going to see Alex. He'd bought some new clothes even; a couple of pairs of jeans and some new shirts and t-shirts. It wasn't really in his nature to be competitive, to try and 'keep up' with other people, but he'd be lying if he didn't admit that Alex had been at the back of his mind when he'd bought the stuff.

Alex, leaning patiently against the bar, turned back to look at him and they shared a smile. The barmaid finally got round to him and placed her hand on his arm to get his attention. Alex turned round to place the order, giving her a warm smile. She beamed back and went to pour their drinks. She obviously fancied him. Lister watched; curious to see what he'd do. When she came back with the drinks, she said something, a joke obviously, and Alex laughed but didn't take the opportunity to strike up a conversation. He looked back at Lister, sitting on his own waiting for him, gave her the money and started to bring the drinks back to the table. Lister felt happy. Most blokes would have seized the chance to get a shag and forgotten all about their mates, but Alex had put him first. Hell, he'd put the whole day aside to do fun stuff with him and cheer him up. It felt good that someone cared enough to do that for him. Alex really was a great friend.

"Hey," he said, sitting back down and setting the drinks in the centre of the table, "Tequila shots!"

"Oh smeg," Lister said cheerfully, "Tequila always gets me ratted."

"Well, I was thinking of making this the last round, actually," Alex shrugged, "I've got a few bottles stashed in the fridge back at my place. Thought maybe we could go back and stick a movie on or something."

"Sounds good. I'm up for that," Lister agreed. The clinked their glasses together and knocked back the fiery liquid; doing the traditional face-pulling and tongue sticking-out that goes with downing tequila. "Okay?" Alex asked hoarsely after a few seconds.

"Okay," Lister confirmed, "Let's get out of here."

The barmaid waved to them as they left. "You could have got her number, you know," Lister said as they wandered down the corridor to Alex's quarters, "She totally had the hots for you, man." Alex shrugged,

"Maybe," he seemed unconcerned. Lister laughed,

"Must be nice to be handsome enough not to feel the need to pounce on an opportunity like that. The rest of us have to take what we can _while_ we can, know what I mean?" Alex looked at him, an eyebrow raised,

"Like Kristine Kochanski? She's not exactly Tuesday night's leftovers, is she?"

"No, but then I have a sneaking suspicion that's why we're not together anymore," Lister pointed out, smiling. "Oh, don't come out with shit like that," Alex said, "There's nothing wrong with you!"

"I suppose," Lister sighed, "I just wish I looked more like you sometimes, that's all."

Alex went a little bit red, "We need to stop this conversation right now and get some more drink in you," he said firmly.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N - For those of you who want to know, a more explicit version of this chapter is available at the RDSS. Your choice...

They were sitting on the sofa in Alex's room, a clichéd action movie running on the vid screen. Lister had his feet tucked up beneath him; Alex was slouched down with his legs stretched out in front of him, both of them working on finishing off Alex's beer stash and making fun of the film. They were both a little drunk and Lister could still feel the warm burn of tequila in his chest. He knew that shot had been a bad idea.

Alex turned round and looked at him, "That a new t-shirt you're wearing?"

"Yeah," Lister preened slightly, pleased that Alex had actually noticed, "You like it?"

"Red looks good on you," Alex commented, "You should wear it more often."

"I'll wear it every day," Lister proclaimed, with drunken grandeur, "Then maybe someone will fall in love with me."

"Aw, Dave..."

"Who knows? It might work."

"You're nutsh...nuts, I mean."

"Yeah, well you're pissed."

"So're you."

"Yeah."

They turned back to the film but it was over. "Smeg. Did you see what happened?"

"No. But it doesn't matter; I think I could probably guess." They both took a swig from their beer bottles.

"Are you going to ask out that barmaid?" Lister asked suddenly.

"Why?" Alex asked; his voice slightly tense, "D'you fancy her?"

"No. I was just wondering."

"Hmph."

"She seemed to really like you. The way she was touching you and everything...Trying to make you laugh..."

"Hmph."

"And she was checking out that little dimple in your chin."

"You have one of those too."

"Yeah, but yours is better."

"How?"

"Just is."

Alex grinned, "They seem about even to me."

"Okay, well you've got better cheekbones."

"You've got nicer eyes."

"You've got a perfect square jaw."

"You've got a perfect complexion."

"You're thinner than me."

"You look better in red. This could go on all night."

"Bet you'd run out of nice things to say before I did."

"Dave?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up."

Alex leaned over and gently cupped his face in his hands; and then Alex's mouth was on his and they were kissing, soft and deep. Lister felt the tips of their tongues touch just slightly. He could feel his head spinning lightly. He really, really, shouldn't have had that tequila.

When Alex's lips finally left his, he opened his eyes and they regarded each other silently. "That was...weird," Lister said finally.

"Are you angry with me?" Alex asked anxiously. They were both whispering, but neither of them were sure why. "No...I don't think so," Lister shook his head.

"Was it...okay?" Alex seemed genuinely nervous, "I've never done it like that before. With a guy, I mean."

"It was definitely..." Lister searched for the right word, "Different. But," he paused thoughtfully, "_Good_ different. If you know what I mean." Alex seemed relieved, but still a little edgy. "Have you ever done that before?"

"No."

"Did you like it?"

Lister thought about the way his lips were still tingling, the butterflies in his stomach, the warm pulsing between his legs. "Yeah," he said softly.

"Me too," Alex whispered, "Is that bad?"

"I don't know," Lister whispered back, "We had a lot to drink...Maybe we..." They seemed to move closer somehow as he spoke; looking up at each other through their eyelashes as their faces came nearer and nearer. "Perhaps..." Lister tried again, in a soft murmur. He felt Alex's warmth on his skin; felt him nuzzle against him. "...we should..."

His lips were still parted, still trying to form words that he couldn't quite get out, when Alex covered them with his own. They sank into another kiss and already it was more familiar, already they were learning each other; their different movements, different techniques, different tastes...

He felt Alex's hand travel up his thigh, then pause, nervously. Eyes still closed, he let his own hand wander - letting instinct guide him- to the catch of Alex's jeans. Slowly...carefully, he undid the button, pulled down the zip, and slid his hand inside. Without breaking their kiss, Alex drew in a deep breath against Lister's mouth; then kissed him harder.

Lister let him control the kiss, his own mind focusing on something... somewhere...else. He could feel the long, hard line of Alex's cock, so erect it lay almost flat against his stomach beneath the soft fabric of his boxers. It felt so warm, so strong beneath his curious fingers. Everything about Alex's body was strong. His arms, his shoulders, his hard, toned stomach muscles; all of it so unlike a woman's soft, giving body. He wondered what it said about him that he was so turned on by this; whether this made him weaker, more feminine. But he didn't feel feminine. In fact, he'd never felt more masculine, more aware of his own body, in his whole life. You could almost smell the testosterone sizzling in the air between them.

He felt Alex's hands eagerly pulling his trousers open and down; relieving the cruel pressure on his own burning erection. It sprang free and he sighed with pleasure. His balls felt huge; swollen and heavy. He was going to need a release soon, he couldn't hold back much longer. Next thing he knew, his t-shirt was being lifted up over his head and Alex was pushing him back across the sofa, his mouth moving over his neck, his chest, his nipples. Lister gathered up a couple of handfuls of Alex's shirt in his hands and pulled it up over his back and off. They embraced, each relishing the feel of the other's naked torso, kissing passionately.

Lister grabbed the waistband of Alex's jeans and boxers and eased them down over his buttocks. Once he was free of them, Alex propped himself up on his hands, and his mouth started to make its way down Lister's body. "Oh fuck, Alex!" was all Lister managed to get out before the power of speech deserted him altogether.

He almost went off right away, but a sudden thought, a sudden need of his own held him back. With great effort, he managed to move Alex's mouth off him, "Wait...wait a sec..." He wriggled and turned around so that he was lying the other way, his head by Alex's lap, and it didn't take long for Alex to catch his drift. Tangled together on the sofa, it only took moments for them to come together, writhing and moaning as they rocked each other to an intense, all-consuming orgasm.

They lay silently for a moment or two, fighting to get some control, some perspective back. It was Alex who spoke first, "Christ, Dave, what the hell did we just do?"

"I know." There was another short silence as this sank in.

"So...You wanna stay here tonight?"

"Yeah. But let's try and make it to the bed, okay?"


	9. Chapter 9

When Lister awoke the next morning he was acutely aware of a headache that let him know he'd drunk far too much alcohol in the last couple of days. When he finally worked up the courage to open his eyes, he realised he was lying alone in a bed that wasn't his; and he didn't have any clothes on. Oh, this was just great...He couldn't remember a thing. And then, after a moment or two of confusion, he recognised his surroundings as Alex's quarters.

_Alex_.

He closed his eyes again and groaned. Oh god, what had he done? Had he just wrecked the closest friendship he'd had with anyone since he was ten with one stupid drunken mistake? He sincerely hoped not. But then, why else would Alex have got up and bolted, leaving him here on his own; unless it was because he was too embarrassed to face him? He pulled the pillow over his head and kicked his legs against the mattress in angry frustration. He couldn't believe this was happening! It was so unfair!

Finally, tired out and feeling very hung-over, he lay still and sighed. He supposed he ought to get out of here before Alex came back. Otherwise they'd have to go through the whole cringing performance of not knowing what to say or how to act around each other; and seeing the shattered remains of their friendship displayed first-hand. It would be better if he just left now and they could both lick their wounds in peace, without the added pain of having to see each other's shame at what they'd done. Miserably, he pulled on his clothes, sloped into the bathroom to pee and gargle, and then made his way sadly to the door. Which opened.

He froze as he and Alex came face to face. Fantastic. If he'd been five seconds faster in the toilet he would have made it out. He bit his lip. What to say? What to do?

"Hey, you're awake," Alex said, "Sorry I vanished on you; I just popped out to get us some stuff for breakfast. You want some coffee?" He smiled tentatively. Lister was flummoxed. He hadn't expected this. "Ummm..." he said, not quite sure what to do. Alex's smile faltered, "You weren't just going to leave, were you?" he asked softly, sounding hurt.

"I...You weren't here...I thought..." Lister explained awkwardly. Alex's smile returned. "It's okay," he said, "You want coffee?"

"Yes," Lister said gratefully. He was just so relieved that Alex wasn't angry or anything, that the rest of the discussion could wait.

They stood together in the small kitchenette as Alex put the coffee on and unwrapped the breakfast goodies he'd bought. Blueberry muffins and chocolate croissants. Lister had a notion that Alex felt he had done something wrong that he needed to make up for. He chose a muffin. "Did you sleep okay?" Alex asked, with only a hint of awkwardness.

"Fine," he replied airily, "I went out like a light." Alex risked a teasing smile,

"You were snoring earlier. That's what woke me up."

"Oh," Lister blushed, "Sorry."

"It's okay."

Their eyes met and Alex half-smiled, "Last night was a bit crazy, wasn't it?"

"Yeah. You could say that," Lister nodded, half-smiling back.

"I don't know what came over me. It was a stupid thing to do. You're my best friend and I wouldn't want..." Lister waved him into silence,

"Alex, man, don't worry about it. It's cool. We were drunk. These things happen."

"You're not pissed off with me?"

"No," Lister said, genuinely surprised, "I mean it's not like it was a one-way thing. I was pretty...involved...in what happened too. It would be a bit hypocritical to blame it all on you."

Alex seemed to relax slightly, "Anyway," he said, "Lots of guys jerk off with their friends. It's not a big deal. It's just...something to fill the time between women."

"Yeah," Lister agreed, "Loads of guys do it." They paused.

"We probably shouldn't tell anyone though," Lister said.

"No. They'd just get the wrong idea and think we were gay or something," Alex remarked disdainfully; "Especially as we spend so much time together and everything. They wouldn't understand."

"It's so stupid. To say two grown men can't have a close friendship and...muck around occasionally...without being gay."

"Exactly. Being gay is a whole...lifestyle thing. Not just getting your rocks off with your best mate now and then."

"I mean sex is sex, right? Doesn't make much difference to your dick who's doing it, as long as it's getting done and it feels good."

"Yeah! And I mean it wasn't even as if what we did was _proper _sex anyway. Not like real gay guys do."

"It was just...an extensive gesture of friendship."

"Right."

Satisfied they'd made their point, they fell silent. Alex poured out some coffee and Lister finished off his muffin. A single blueberry crumbled out and fell onto the worktop. Alex sighed dramatically, "You're so messy!" He picked it up and popped it into Lister's mouth.

He didn't know why he did it. Perhaps he was just responding playfully to the intimacy of the gesture, or maybe a part of him was just reacting subconsciously to this new situation, this new feeling, this whole new _possibility_ that had opened in his mind since last night. Either way, he caught Alex's fingertips gently between his lips and for the briefest moment, sucked them softly as they slipped from his mouth.

Alex caught his breath. They stared at each other. It was like standing on a threatening landslide. If they moved, the ground might shift and something huge would happen, carrying them along with it and it might bury them altogether. But you had to move eventually...

Alex stepped towards him. Lister's breath quickened. And then his back was against the counter and they were kissing ferociously. It happened so fast he didn't even remember them starting; just one moment they weren't kissing, next moment they were. And this time they were sober. Stone cold sober with no excuses and as hot and horny as hell for each other.

The landslide had started...and it had turned into a full-scale avalanche.


	10. Chapter 10

By the time Lister finally made it back to his quarters later that evening, it was fair to say that Alex's plan from the day before - of taking his mind off Rimmer - had succeeded triumphantly. Lister had completely forgotten all about his annoyance with his roommate. So he was actually rather surprised when Rimmer greeted him in a less than friendly fashion. "Where the hell have you been?" he demanded angrily, putting his book down and sitting up in his bunk. Lister was taken aback, "What?"

"The last time I saw you was yesterday morning! Haven't you been home at all since then?"

"Um..." Lister actually had to think about it for a moment. "No. No, I haven't," he replied pleasantly, shrugging.

"Well, where were you?"

"Oh...er...just hanging out with Alex, really."

"All night?!"

"Yeah. We got a bit pissed and ended up passing out back at his place," Lister told him, leaving out one vital piece of information about the evening. "I've been there all day."

"Doing what?"

"You know...watching telly. Playing games. The usual."

Rimmer scowled, "Well, smeg, Lister. I mean, don't feel you have to let me know or anything next time you're going to disappear for two days solid."

"I hardly disappeared, Rimmer!" Lister replied, exasperated; "I'm sure you could have worked out where I was if you'd thought about it for long enough."

"You still could have messaged me and let me know," Rimmer snapped.

"Sorry, Mum. I didn't realise you were waiting up," Lister replied sarcastically. He'd only been in the door two minutes and already he was wishing he'd stayed at Alex's. Rimmer lay down again with a 'hmph' and turned his back to him. Although he was silent, Lister was positive that a weird part of his brain could _hear_ him sulking.

"Urgh! Fine! I'm sorry I didn't tell you where I was! I feel bad! You happy now?"

"You don't feel bad at all," Rimmer muttered, "You couldn't care less. Nobody cares about me." Another day, Lister might have just turned around and stomped off, leaving Rimmer with his misery; but an afternoon of very intense sexual satisfaction had left him in a more forgiving mood. "Oh, come on. If I didn't care, why would I even have bothered apologising?" Rimmer didn't reply, but that same part of Lister's brain could hear him considering. He sat down on the edge of the bed and poked him gently, smiling. "Cheer up, smeghead. I came home to you in the end, didn't I? Don't sulk."

Rimmer rolled over suspiciously, "What are you in such a good mood for?"

"I have a naturally sunny disposition," Lister replied, "Just be grateful one of us does."

"Kriss asked about an hour ago if we wanted to come out for a drink tonight," Rimmer told him, and Lister knew he was forgiven. He pulled a face,

"I can't handle any more alcohol, man, I'm serious. I've been drunk the last two nights in a row. I'm getting too old for it. Let's message her and go see that film instead. The one with the toys we missed the other day."

"You missed it. We went without you," Rimmer said, unapologetically. In hindsight, Lister supposed he didn't really deserve one. He really had been ignoring the posse recently. "Okay, well we'll watch a vid-disc then. Your choice."

"Really?"

"Really. Just nothing with subtitles."

"No Alex?"

"No Alex." He was at work anyway. It was more or less the only reason Lister had come back in the first place.

Rimmer smiled; a rare genuine smile. And Lister decided it had been worth coming back just for that.


	11. Chapter 11

The night in with the posse went some way to healing the rift that had been growing between Rimmer and Lister. Although Rimmer still obviously harboured a deep dislike – or perhaps more accurately, distrust – of Alex, and made no secret of showing it, his behaviour towards Lister marginally improved. It was a relief all round and some of the tension that had been building up within the group was dispelled. Kochanski and the Cat even started to join Lister and Alex for drinks on occasion, now that they didn't feel so much that they were taking sides.

Which was all good. Of course it was.

It just meant that on these occasions, Lister and Alex had to be a little more discreet about...the other side of their friendship.

Out in public, or when spending time together in the company of their other friends, they behaved as if they were just two normal guys who liked each other and were good friends. When they were alone, they couldn't keep their hands off each other.

It made things slightly difficult, because now, of course, they wanted to spend even more time together than they usually did; which was hard to do without making people suspicious. There were only so many times Lister could claim to have got drunk and passed out in Alex's room and it was getting trickier and trickier to think of convincing reasons why he had stayed over instead of making the ten minute journey back to his own bed. More often than not, they had to accept the fact that they couldn't spend the whole night together and had to make the most of the few hours they had.

But however annoying and inconvenient the need for secrecy was, it was also quite thrilling. The possibility of discovery was like a sprinkling of chilli powder in an already spicy concoction. It just added the final touch of heat to something that was already liable to blow-up at any second.

Sometimes it was the simple fear of somebody walking in on them, or perhaps seeing past their facade of a 'normal' friendship, in the way they looked at each other and interacted. And sometimes it was the fact that, now and then, they just couldn't help playing risky little games with each other.

One night, while playing poker with a group of Alex's mates, Lister had begun to feel a gentle stroking on his thigh beneath the table. Silently, he let his eyes flick to Alex; who was sitting beside him with an expression of angelic innocence, studying his cards. By that time, the group had had enough beer and were concentrating hard enough on the game not to notice anything, but that wouldn't necessarily last. "You want to watch that hand, Al," Lister remarked sweetly, nodding to the cards he held loosely in front of him, "Someone'll see."

"They haven't seen yet," he replied cheerfully, moving his cards closer to himself and letting his hand move higher onto Lister's thigh, his fingers caressing him gently. It wasn't long before Lister was trapped at the table; any attempt to get up would have revealed he had an achingly huge hard-on.

By the time the game was over and the others had left, they had both been steaming and the sex had been just about the best they'd ever had.

On this particular day, they were meant to be meeting at the ship's cinema to see a movie, but Alex had decided to stop by Lister's quarters instead so they could walk up together. Lister was fairly surprised. Alex very rarely came to his, mainly because of the hostility that had steadily grown up between him and Rimmer; who had made it very clear on the few occasions he had been round that he didn't want him there. Luckily, on this occasion, Rimmer had gone out for a run.

"You're brave," Lister remarked, "I thought you wouldn't come in here without a bullet-proof vest anymore."

"I thought I'd take a chance on it. After all, you're nearly ready, aren't you?"

"Yeah, just about." He turned to get his jacket, and as he did so he felt Alex's arms slip around his waist. "Easy, tiger," he said with a smile. Alex nuzzled the back of his neck, "Mmmm...You smell of coconut milk."

"I just had a shower. Come on, Rimmer will be back any minute."

"Really?" Alex purred, one hand sliding down towards Lister's crotch.

"I'm not kidding, man! He's due back any second. Trust me on this. I know how Rimmer times his running. I've lived with it for six years."

"How are you not clinically insane?" Alex kissed his ear.

"I've often asked myself the same thing. Now, cut it out, we'll miss the trailers."

"Y'know, we've never done it in your quarters before," Alex murmured, and now his fingers had found what they were looking for and were stroking softly, persuasively. "We don't have time! If Rimmer finds us..."

"What if he does? What do you think he'd do?"

"I think he'd probably drop dead of shock."

"Sounds good to me."

"Hey, I spent too long listening to Rimmer whinge about it being all my fault the last time he died. I don't want to go through it again!"

"Come on, just quickly..."

"Alex..."

But it was useless arguing. He was already rock hard and once Alex had unzipped him and eased him free of his boxers there was no going back. "Ah, smeg..." he murmured, "Just be quick, okay?"

"I'll do my best," Alex whispered, his other hand taking Lister's and guiding it back to his own erection.

They watched themselves in the mirror as they stroked and pumped each other; the sight doubling their pleasure. Lister could feel his heart thumping crazily, could feel Alex's doing the same. _Rimmer could walk in any second and see this. There's no way to hide what you're doing. If he comes in now it's all over. You should stop now while you still have time..._

But of course, it was too late to stop. For a moment, Lister pictured in his head the image of Rimmer frozen in shock in the doorway, staring at them in disbelief. If he did come in, there would be no point stopping, would there? He would have already seen what they were doing, so they may as well finish. Maybe he wouldn't be so shocked. Maybe he'd watch. Maybe he'd join in...

He felt the familiar tingling starting in his balls, moving slowly up. He whimpered. "Alex...I'm gonna come...I can feel it..."

"I'm almost there..." Alex panted,

"Christ, Alex, hurry...! He's going to catch us! He'll be here any second!"

"I know! I know! Just don't stop!"

"I'm...I'm...!" Lister gave up trying to form the sentence and just let out an ecstatic cry as he came. Seconds later, Alex tensed and groaned heavily and Lister felt something hot and wet splashing against his buttocks.

"Urgh..." Lister shook himself, "We have to clean this up. Hurry."

"Not one to prolong the moment, are you?" Alex smiled a contented post-coital smile.

"Now!"

Quickly, they grabbed wads of toilet roll and wiped themselves clean. Alex was just zipping up his jeans and Lister was dumping the cum-sodden paper in the bin, when the door whooshed open and Rimmer walked in. _God, talk about in the nick of time_, Lister thought. He and Alex looked at each other, breathed a sigh of relief and burst out laughing. Rimmer stopped and glared at them. "What's so funny?" Lister wiped his eyes,

"Sorry, Rimmer. It's just been one of those days," he said apologetically.

Rimmer and Alex regarded each other coldly. "Hello, there," Rimmer said sharply. "Hello," Alex replied coolly.

"How are you?"

"Well. Thank you. And you?"

"Tickety-boo," Rimmer replied frostily.

"We were just on our way out."

"Well, don't let me stop you."

Lister shook his head, "Come on, Al. We're going to the cinema, Rimmer, if you want to come."

"No, thank you. I have some revision to do." Rimmer's tone remained a little chilly, but not as glacial as it had been when he was addressing Alex. He was obviously a little miffed about the laughter. "I'll see you later."

"Okay."

Lister and Alex were halfway down the corridor before they trusted themselves to speak again. "Close one, huh?" Alex raised an eyebrow. Lister thumped him on the arm, "I ought to strangle you! I can't believe we got away with that!"

They got away with it again half an hour later in the back row of the cinema.


	12. Chapter 12

Time passed. Despite a number of close calls, Alex and Lister kept their secret and, as far as they knew, nobody even suspected them. It had occurred to Lister once or twice to wonder exactly where this was going. Officially they were still only friends – just friends who were engaging in sexual activity on an almost daily basis. They hadn't talked about it, but Lister suspected that if either of them did suddenly find themselves a girlfriend, it might cause rather more trouble – and jealousy – than either of them were willing to admit. Perhaps in some ways, it was fortunate that it was a theory that ultimately they never had to test.

Lister was at the end of his shift when a message came through on his pager. He recognised the number as Alex's immediately, but was puzzled, and a little worried by the message. _We need to talk_. Whatever it was, it had to be important. Alex knew what time he finished work and would normally have waited until he knew Lister would be back in his quarters and messaged him there. He paged him back, saying he'd come right over as soon as his shift finished. He had a vaguely uneasy feeling in his stomach. When somebody said 'we need to talk' it was rarely good news.

Once he'd put his stuff away for the night, he made his way straight to Alex's quarters and let himself in. "Hello?" Alex was inside, pacing the room, and the smile that he met him with was warm...but not entirely right. "Hey." Lister heard tension in his voice just in that one word. "Are you okay?" he asked tentatively.

"Yeah, yeah," Alex reassured him, "It's just...there's something we need to talk about."

They sat down together on the sofa. "You know I told you a while back that I'd applied to the captain to go out on one of the scout missions?" Alex said.

"Yeah, I remember."

"Well, I heard back from him today. There's space for me on the next shuttle if I want it." Lister beamed,

"That's fantastic! You must be thrilled, man!"

"It'll be leaving on Friday night," Alex told him. Lister paused.

"This Friday?" he asked. Alex nodded,

"For six months," he added.

"Wow," Lister didn't know what else to say, "That's...really soon. Like three days away."

"I know."

"Will that be enough time for you to sort out everything that you need to?"

"It should be. If I want to."

"What do you mean?" Lister asked. Alex reached over and took his hand,

"If you ask me to stay," he said softly, "I'll stay."

Lister drew in his breath, "Alex..." He was both completely touched and utterly astounded. He'd had no idea that their relationship was at this level; that Alex cared enough about him to make this kind of offer. "But...this is what you've always wanted."

"Well, yes," Alex conceded, "But it just doesn't seem right to spring it on you like this...after everything that's happened between us. To just give you three days notice before taking off for half a year. It's not fair."

Lister thought hard about the situation he was suddenly in. He couldn't decide whether Alex wanted him to say it was alright for him to go, or if he was trying to tell him that he wanted to stay and try to turn what they had into a proper relationship. And come to that, did _he_ want Alex to stay? "This is all happening so fast, man. I don't quite know what to make of it all," he admitted finally.

"Just let me know what you're thinking," Alex requested gently. Lister looked at him. Looked at his handsome face, his dark blue eyes and the lips he had kissed over and over; felt the warmth of his fingers entwined with his and knew that he cared for him an awful lot. But he didn't love him.

"I think," he said, "That you need to do what's best for you. And only you know what that is."

"Meaning...?" Alex prompted. Lister smiled,

"Meaning I can't make this decision for you. I'm happy for things to stay the way they are if you decide that's what you really want, but I'll understand completely if you decide to go. I won't hold it against you. And I would hate it if you stayed just because you didn't want to hurt my feelings. That would be the worst thing that you could do. Because then neither of us would be happy."

Alex nodded glumly, "I know that. But," he swallowed hard, "I know I'm going to miss you like crazy..." Lister squeezed his hand,

"I'll miss you too."

"I promise I'll write to you. I'll write every day!" Lister nodded. He probably would. At first. But deep down he knew that after a while the letters would taper off, and by the time the six months were up, Alex would only be thinking about him occasionally, perhaps in the odd dream, using memory as a fantasy when the nights were cold and he felt lonely. And judging by his actions this evening, Lister thought Alex probably felt more strongly about their relationship than he did.

Perhaps when he finally came back aboard they would seek each other out and there would still be warmth there, affection, and just maybe the slightest hint still of attraction; but it would be awkward and stale. They would have moved on. If he had loved Alex, or even truly believed that Alex loved him, he might have felt differently but he knew that wasn't the case. He and Alex had a close friendship, mixed with a dollop of infatuation fired by the thrill of the new and slightly forbidden. And that didn't make for a lasting relationship. Especially a long-distance one. But could he say that to Alex?

"It'll be okay," he said finally; and in the circumstances that seemed like the best, and perhaps only thing he could say. "You'll have a fantastic time. And you know this is the right thing for you to do."

"I know."

"Do you need any help? You know...With packing and just generally getting things sorted?"

"No, I think I'll be okay. I'm not taking much. Just a few warm clothes and some crappy stuff I don't mind ruining if there's dirty work to be done. That kinda thing. And the rest of it should be fairly simple. Writing a few letters, notifying a few people. I should get it all done okay." Lister nodded quietly,

"You know where I am if you need anything, right?"

"Right. Just..."

"What?"

Alex looked at him mournfully; "Will you come over before I go on Friday? Just..you know...to see me off. To say a proper goodbye?" Lister smiled,

"Of course I will." He leaned over and they hugged each other tight.

For a moment, Lister actually felt pretty choked up.


	13. Chapter 13

Friday night. Lister was walking back to his quarters, looking sad and –truthfully – a little red round the eyes. Despite their talk, despite the fact he knew that this was right, saying goodbye to Alex had been a lot harder than he'd expected. He hadn't gone with him to the shuttle port; they had said their goodbyes in Alex's quarters, where they would have a little more privacy.

Alex was sitting on the sofa when he came in, his bag at his feet, looking nervous. When Lister came through the door he smiled, relieved. "I thought you might not come," he admitted honestly. Lister scoffed,

"You didn't really think you'd get away that easy, did you?" Alex stood up and they hugged each other hard. Lister looked down at the bag, "All packed?"

"All packed. I'm as ready as I'll ever be."

"Excited?"

"Terrified. But excited too."

"Good. You'll be fine, man."

"I know. At least, I hope so." He put his head to one side and looked at Lister, "And what about you?"

"Me?" Lister laughed softly, "I always seem to be okay. One way or another." He looked back at him, "I'm really going to miss you."

"I'll miss you too."

Holly's head appeared up on the vid screen. "It's time for you to make your way to the shuttle port now, Alex," he said, "The lift will be waiting for you at the end of the corridor." He disappeared. Alex and Lister looked at each other.

"I suppose this is it," Lister said weakly.

"Yeah," Alex said softly. Without a word, he pulled Lister gently into his arms and for a few seconds they just held each other. Lister could feel his eyes starting to sting and tried to hide it. Tears would only make things worse. Finally, they separated and Alex bent down to give him one last kiss. A kiss goodbye. It lasted perhaps a few moments longer than it should have done in the circumstances.

"I have to go," Alex said finally. Lister nodded,

"Take care."

"I'll write," Alex promised again and Lister laughed. It was either that or cry.

"Go, Alex."

He stood outside the door and waved to him as the lift closed and started to make its descent. When he was gone, he went back into his quarters, sat down heavily on the bed, looked around and then started to cry.

Rimmer was sitting at the table reading when he got back. "Hey, man," he said softly. Rimmer looked up and to Lister's continued surprise he actually seemed concerned; if a little awkward showing it. He'd taken the news of Alex's impending departure very strangely. They'd all been expecting him to be thrilled, perhaps even a little triumphant, but he'd actually been very sensitive about it. Despite his own feelings about Alex, he knew Lister was going to be upset. "How did it go?" he asked gently. Lister shrugged,

"Okay, I suppose."

"You alright?" Rimmer asked.

"Yeah. I think so. I'm going to miss him but...I'll be okay. Don't worry about me, man." Rimmer nodded and went back to his book, deciding not to press the matter. He'd noticed Lister's red eyes.

Lister went through to the bathroom to have a shower. He took his time, giving himself a long leisurely scrub-down. When you shared a room with someone, the bathroom was one of the few places you could actually be alone with your thoughts and tonight Lister needed to make the most of it. He definitely had more thoughts than normal crowding his head and they were nearly all complicated. Finally, when he had no more bits left to wash and the little light on the shower started to flash a warning that he was running out of hot water, he had no choice but to switch it off and get dried. He gave himself a brisk towelling, then wrapped the soggy article around his waist and ventured out to get some clean clothes.

Rimmer was in the middle of the room doing his exercises, "One, two, three, stretch!" Lister leaned against the doorframe and watched him, a smile slowly finding its way onto his face. There were few things in the world he found more humorous than watching Rimmer exercise and right now he could do with a laugh. He always looked so _serious_. "Stretch up! Reach down! One, two..." He did a series of toe touches. Lister put his hand over his mouth to suppress a giggle. At least he had a good view from here. Wait a minute...

He paused. Did he really just have that thought? He looked again and had to admit...the view was actually pretty good. Rimmer really did have a pretty decent butt on him. Not as round as Alex's perhaps, but firm and kind of sweet...He shook himself. What the hell was he doing? This must just be a weird emotional reaction to Alex leaving. He wasn't gay! He didn't look at other guy's asses! What had happened with Alex was a one-off thing. An experiment. A bit of fun. He didn't want to do it again, not with anyone else, and certainly not with Rimmer! No matter how toned his butt was...

Rimmer turned round and saw him and did a double-take, "What are you doing lurking in the doorway?"

"What d'you mean, '_lurking_'? I'm not lurking!"

"Well, what are doing just standing there then?" Rimmer demanded, then gave him an odd look, "Were you looking at my bum, Lister?"

Lister scoffed, "Don't be stupid! What would I want to look at your bum for?" He brushed past him, "Looking at your bum, indeed," he muttered, rummaging through the clothes thrown over his bunk and hoping his face hadn't gone red. Rimmer paused for a second, then smiled evilly, "Well," he said sweetly, "I think you should return the favour!"

Quick as a flash, he grabbed Lister's towel and whipped it off. Lister's jaw dropped, "_Rimmer!_" He'd never been so shocked in all his life. Rimmer just didn't _do_ things like this! "You...I...I can't believe you just...," he spluttered, not sure where to put his hands, or whether to turn around or what. Rimmer grinned smugly and twirled the towel. Lister made a grab for it but Rimmer yanked it back, "Oooh! So close!"

"Give it back!"

"Come on, Listy. You can get it. Just a little faster..."

Lister snatched a pillow off his bed and walloped him. Rimmer yelped and gave him a smack with the towel. "Ow!" Lister indignantly rubbed the red mark, "That hurt! I didn't hurt you!"

"Love and war, Listy," Rimmer replied, taking aim again. Lister dodged,

"Oh, it's war, alright! You just wait, man!" Lister dived at him and yanked his shorts down around his ankles. "Aaargh!" Rimmer lost his balance and toppled over, tangled in his shorts. Lister pounced on top of him and started to beat him around the head with the pillow. Rimmer wrestled it off him and started to hit him back. Lister scrambled backwards under the onslaught and Rimmer sat up and grabbed him round the waist, knocking them both back down onto the floor, and started to tickle him.

Amid all the kicking, squealing and flailing of limbs, neither of them noticed when the door opened and Kriss wandered in. "We're going for a drink up on C deck if you guys want to come along..." She stopped, taking in the scene in front of her. Lister and Rimmer froze, looked at each other, then both grabbed for the discarded towel and started wrestling to cover themselves up.

Kriss closed her eyes and threw up her hands, "You know what? Don't worry about it. I can see you're obviously very busy. Just come on up whenever you're done and can find the time to put some clothes on. Okay?"

"He grabbed my towel off me...!"

"...Pulled my shorts down...!" They both started talking at the same time and Kriss, her eyes still shut tight, waved for them both to be quiet. "I don't care," she said, "I don't want to know. Just...sort it out between yourselves, okay? I'm going now and I don't want to see either of you again until you're fully clothed and behaving like grown-ups, right?" She turned round and made her way out, shutting the door behind her.

The two of them got to their feet, looking rather shame-faced. "Nice one," Rimmer grinned, pulling his shorts up, "Real smooth, Listy."

"I don't know what you're laughing at," Lister grumbled, snatching the towel back off him, "It wasn't just _my_ bare ass she saw. You weren't exactly looking the epitome of dignity either."

"Doesn't bother me. She's not the love of my life."

"Yeah, but she's bound to tell everyone else, isn't she? And you'll get some funny looks when people hear that she walked in and found you straddling my naked body with your keks round your ankles."

"So will you."

"Oh, bugger off."

"Was that a pun?"

Lister shot him a warning look and Rimmer censored his smile, "Oh, come on. Why are you so ticked off? Kriss knows we were just play-fighting. Do you really think she would have reacted the way she did if she'd thought it was anything else?"

"Yeah, well," Lister muttered, "You started it. What's got into you, anyway?"

"I was just trying to cheer you up a bit. You looked so miserable when you got back. Admit it; right up until Kriss walked in, you were having fun."

"Fun? I couldn't breathe! I thought I was going to die! And you're bloody heavy as well!"

"Oh, be that way then," Rimmer sniffed, "Are we going for this drink or not?"

"Maybe," Lister replied, seeming slightly mollified, "If you can get your _pants back on!_" He darted forward and pulled Rimmer's boxers back down and the whole thing started over again.


	14. Chapter 14

It was later that night. Despite the pitched battle that had taken place in their quarters earlier, Rimmer and Lister had actually made it to the bar eventually, in time to have a few drinks with the others. Kriss looked at them with amusement, "So, you both managed to get here in one piece then?" she remarked, "No more little squabbles?"

"I can't think what you're referring to, Kriss," Lister said innocently.

"I'm sure it's nothing untoward, that would be worth mentioning, in any case," Rimmer added, his face carefully blank. Kriss grinned, but took the hint and left it at that. They had a good night.

Now the bar was closed, they'd said their goodnights and the two of them were tucked up in their bunks, the lights dim. Rimmer had something he wanted to say, but he wasn't quite sure how to broach the subject. "Lister? You still awake?"

"Yeah," The reply was immediate. He didn't even sound sleepy.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Why?"

"I just thought you might be feeling a bit low still. Lying awake and all that."

"Hmmm."

"I know how much it meant to you. Having someone...like him...in your life again."

"Yeah, I'll miss him," Lister said softly, "But it'll be okay. I'll make other friends, meet other people...And there's always you guys, of course."

"So...you think you will want another friend like Alex?" Rimmer asked cautiously.

"Well," Lister said, slightly puzzled by the question, "Maybe not exactly like Alex, but someone who I can share the same kind of stuff with."

"I see," said Rimmer quietly.

Lister leaned over the side of the bunk and looked at him, "See what?" he asked, "What are you being so cagey about?" Rimmer shook his head,

"It's nothing. Doesn't matter."

"Oh, well, in that case..." Lister replied sarcastically, swinging his head back up into his own bunk. Rimmer looked at the empty space where he'd been for a moment, then went on. It was easier to say this without Lister's upside-down stare on him. "What I meant was," he said carefully, "Did you want just a friend or did you want the kind of friend that Alex was?"

"What are you talking about, Rimmer?" Lister said impatiently.

"I'm asking you if it's a friend you really want, or a lover." There. He'd said it.

There was silence from the top bunk. "Lister...?"

"How long have you known?" he asked quietly.

"Since that night at the club," Rimmer admitted.

"How? There wasn't even anything going on between us then."

"I don't know," Rimmer looked up at the slats above his head, "Just watching the two of you together, I suppose. Your body language and stuff. I could tell he fancied you, but it took me a bit longer to work out that you liked him too." Lister thought back to the night in Alex's quarters when it had all started. It had been Alex who initiated things, certainly. And he remembered how tense Alex had sounded when he'd quizzed him about the flirty barmaid, whether he was going to ask her out._ Why? Do you fancy her? _At the time Lister had assumed Alex was just being competitive, not wanting him moving in on his territory. Now he wondered if it had actually been a little stab of jealousy. Speaking of which...

"Is that why you wouldn't come over and dance with us when I waved to you?" Lister asked.

"No. I just didn't want to dance, that's all," Rimmer replied defensively.

"So it wasn't that you didn't want to be seen with queers?" Lister asked, rather tetchily.

"Lister, don't be so stupid. I'm seen with you all the time, for smeg's sake!"

"So, what then? You thought it would be more fun to just stand and glare at us?"

"Something like that. You know I don't like clubs."

"Well, why did you come then?"

"Oh, pardon me for wanting to spend some time with you. I've hardly seen you the past couple of months!"

"You weren't spending time with me! You were sitting in a corner sulking!"

"Yes, because you spent all night with Alex!"

"I did not! I tried about a hundred times to get you to join in with us!"

"Yeah, well I didn't feel like sharing!" Rimmer snapped.

"What do you mean 'sharing'?" Lister demanded.

Rimmer fell silent for a moment. "I mean," he said awkwardly, "I wanted to spend some time just you and me. The way it used to be before he came along. I wanted you to myself for a while."

"Rimmer," Lister said quietly, his anger gone; "All you ever had to do was ask."

"I didn't know how! I was worried that you might...I didn't know how to say it without sounding..." he trailed off.

"What?" Lister asked, annoyed.

"I thought it sounded gay," he confessed finally.

Lister put his head back against the pillow and laughed bitterly, "Oh, this is just priceless! You were worried I'd get the wrong idea and pounce on you, is that it?"

"_No!_" Rimmer almost shouted, "_I was worried that you'd realise and I'd just end up looking stupid!_"

Lister's eyes flew open in surprise as Rimmer burst into tears suddenly; "_I thought you'd work it all out and then you'd tell **him, **and the two of you would laugh at me! I just didn't want you to know!"_

"To know what?" he asked. He climbed down out of his bunk and stood beside Rimmer's bed. He had turned away from him, his shoulders shaking with his sobs. "Rimmer?" he said tentatively, "Do...Do you mean you were _really_ jealous of Alex and me? Not just the time we were spending together but..._what_ we were doing together?" Rimmer didn't reply, just cried some more; which was pretty much an answer in itself. "I...I had no idea," Lister said, dazed, "I always thought...I don't know what I thought."__

He sat down weakly on the edge of Rimmer's bed. "Why would you think I would laugh at you if I found out? What even makes you think I would have told Alex?"

"Of course you would have done," Rimmer choked out, miserably. Lister wasn't entirely sure he would. Alex and Arnold had been quite chilly enough to each other already, without adding that kind of tension to the relationship; and if Alex had indeed felt threatened by Rimmer's feelings, he might well have confronted him, perhaps even mocked him over it. For that reason alone Lister would have kept quiet.

A memory came back to him of the day he and Alex had narrowly avoided being discovered by Rimmer, and their relieved laughter when he'd walked in just a moment too late to catch them. Rimmer had been understandably annoyed by their mysterious laughter and, looking back on it, Lister guessed Rimmer's ever active paranoia had probably been on red-alert, afraid they'd sussed him. How ironic that their laughter had actually been a knee-jerk terror reaction that _he_ might have sussed _them_. God, what a mess.

"For all I know," Rimmer continued, "You could be planning to write him a letter tomorrow telling him all this and I'll still wind up looking a fool!"

"Rimmer," Lister interrupted him gently but firmly, "I'm not going to be writing to Alex about this. I'm not sure if it would be the right thing for me to be writing to him at all." Rimmer rolled over and looked at him, sniffling,

"Why not?"

Lister sighed deeply, "Six months is a long time, Rimmer. What Alex and I have..." he paused and corrected himself, "Had...It isn't strong enough for that. If I do write to him and reply to his letters it will be as a friend and nothing more. And I suspect that it won't be that long before Alex starts forgetting to write anyway. To try and drag it out when we both know that it's not going to work would just be daft. It's better that we make a clean break now and start trying to move on."

"You broke up when you found out he was leaving?" Rimmer asked. Lister shrugged,

"Not exactly. It wasn't really a relationship. It was...a phase. And it came to a natural conclusion."

"Doesn't seem all that natural to me," Rimmer challenged him. Lister was surprised, "What do you mean?"

"Well, if he hadn't left you would have carried on what you were doing, right?" Lister floundered, "For a while, maybe, but it wouldn't have lasted forever."

"Why not?"

"Well, because...It just wouldn't have. Sooner or later things would have fizzled out. We just weren't...It wasn't...I didn't..." He was struggling to find the right words and wasn't sure why. It had all been very clear in his head not long ago. "Because you didn't love him?" Rimmer asked softly. Lister felt very tired suddenly,

"Right. I didn't love him," he admitted wearily.

"So...Really," Rimmer postulated, "It wasn't about it being a phase or any of that other crap. It was just that he wasn't the right person for you. Regardless of gender. Am I right?"

"What are you getting at, Rimmer?"

Rimmer sat up, leaning his back against the wall behind the bunk. "I wondered sometimes," he said awkwardly, "About that other me. The way you talk about him made me think that maybe you and he...Did you ever...?" Lister saw where he was going with this, "No," he said simply; "We never." Rimmer said nothing. "Don't get me wrong," Lister said, "He was special...in his own unique way, but..." he paused, trying to think how to communicate what his relationship with Rimmer had been. "We were brothers," he said eventually, "Not lovers."

"Is that how he felt?" Rimmer asked. Lister thought about it, then shrugged,

"I don't know," he said honestly. "I guess we'll never find out. For what it's worth, I think he felt the same way I did." Rimmer nodded and said nothing. Lister couldn't tell if he was relieved or disappointed.

"I assume what you're trying to tell me with this line of enquiry is that even before I met Alex you suspected I might be a bit gay. Right?" Rimmer winced,

"I wouldn't have put it quite like that, but I think you've got the point." Lister thought back to how this whole thing had started. _Is it a friend you want or a lover?_ He thought about Rimmer's behaviour earlier this evening; the sudden playfulness, the physically intimacy he'd initiated when he'd pulled off his towel that had ended up with them wrestling on the floor with not a whole lot on.

"And I suppose," Lister continued, "That if I was, then having Alex removed from the picture would be very good news for you, wouldn't it?" Rimmer flushed red,

"I didn't mean it that way! I just thought..."

"What with you being my closest friend and everything. The person I would be most likely to turn to. And hell, as if things could be even more convenient, we even share a room!"

"I just wanted..." Lister held up a hand to silence him, and then smiled suddenly. He stood up, "Come here. There's something I want to show you." Rimmer got out of bed and followed him across the room. They stopped by the mirror. "What is it?" he asked. "Keep looking," Lister told him, "You'll see it." Rimmer stared hard into the mirror, "Lister, I really can't see what you're getting at..."

And suddenly, in one fluid move he'd perfected just a few hours ago, Lister grabbed his boxer shorts and yanked them down. Rimmer wheeled round to grab him, and as he did so Lister caught his arms and gave him a sweet impish smile. "Take a look in the mirror," he told him again; "You're bigger than Alex."


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: Once again, if you want the full-on hardcore version of this, you should go join the RDSS!

Rimmer's sheets smelled of starch and the musky-scented soap he used. Lister breathed it in and sighed as Rimmer's lips found a sensitive spot on his neck. This was new, this was different...

His encounters with Alex had always been heavy, intense; rushed even. He should have known it wouldn't be that way with Rimmer. Rimmer made love the way he did everything else; slowly and methodically. When Lister had reached down to start stroking him, he'd gently moved his hand away. "Not yet," he whispered embarrassed, "I won't last if you do that." Lister had kissed him instead. And now he was on his back in the bed, pinned down within the cage that was Rimmer's body, having bits of himself sucked and licked and kissed that hadn't had that kind of attention in far too may years. Rimmer was working his way downwards with an agonising slowness that was making the whole of the lower half of Lister's body tingle with anticipation.

Gently, he kissed his nipples, pressing them teasingly with his tongue. Lister murmured appreciatively and arched his back, reaching up to tangle his fingers in Rimmer's curls. He felt him move again, edging ever downwards to nuzzle at the dark hair low on his abdomen. He could feel the softness of his breath against him and it was making him delirious.

Rimmer could sense his excitement, but decided to prolong the moment a little longer before putting him out of his misery. Lister gave a heartfelt groan, "God, Rimmer, please..."

"Uh-uh-uh," Rimmer admonished softly, "You kept me waiting long enough. I want to make the most of this."

"I feel like I'm going to die, man...I can't take any more!" Lister begged weakly.

"Oh, I think you can take a little more," Rimmer smiled.

Lister wriggled against him desperately and finally Rimmer granted him a kiss. Their tongues danced lightly against each other. Deciding he'd suffered enough, he waited no longer. He bent down between his thighs and sucked him deeply into his mouth. Lister almost shot off right away, but he managed to hold back. He couldn't get over the fact that this was Rimmer doing this to him, driving him so crazy. It was incredible and surreal and totally, mind-blowingly, erotic. He felt Rimmer tighten his grip on his thighs, pushing them back and taking him deeper into his mouth, and he closed his eyes and gasped. He was going to come any second. He could feel all the little tell-tale signs springing into life all over his body.

And then there was something else. Another feeling he'd never felt before. It was new and...good...but in a disconcerting kind of way. For a moment he was confused and then his eyes flew open as it became clear to him. He gasped sharply, both his head and body shocked and unsure how to react. This was something he'd never explored with Alex. For them, sex had been all about what they could do to each other with their mouths and their hands. They'd never even discussed... _this_.

Perhaps it would have taken them that one step too far to still pretend they were just friends; or maybe they'd both just been too embarrassed to bring it up. Either way, in this respect, Lister was still a virgin, and a blushing one at that. Rimmer was still sucking him, he was still teetering on the brink of orgasm, but now there was this whole new sensation to deal with. There was pain, but it was vague and distant; unimportant somehow.

He went with the feeling, trusting his senses, trusting _Rimmer_, and moments later he was there; lost in an incredible kind of orgasm that he'd never experienced before.

When Rimmer crawled up to lie beside him, he saw the shimmering track of a single, tiny tear just at the corner of his eye. He smiled at him, "Think you can manage another round?" Lister reached out with one weak but tender hand to stroke him and this time he didn't stop him. They kissed, slower this time, but deeper. Lister gently pulled Rimmer's arms around him, then - giving him a meaningful look - rolled over within the circle of their warmth and pressed his back to him, wriggling in a very definite way against his lower body. Rimmer was vaguely surprised; but pleased too. He kissed his shoulder and the back of his neck, letting his hands wander, then rolled on top of him, pressing him face-down to the bed.

Lister turned his head so his cheek was resting against the pillow and parted his thighs without resistance as Rimmer mounted him and lay down against the length of his back, running his tongue along the indentation of his spine as he did so. He could feel him pressing eagerly between his cheeks, but he didn't seem ready to penetrate him yet. He was still exploring, thrilled by the feel of his naked body beneath him; the smoothness of his skin and the warm peachiness of his ass.

He'd fantasised this, dreamed this - both waking and sleeping – so many times. He would start off thinking about Lister, wondering what he and Alex were doing at that moment; whether they were kissing or fucking. Then slowly, as the fantasy progressed, he would take Alex's place. He would be the one in bed with Lister; bringing him to orgasm or gently holding his head, staring down into his beautiful brown eyes as he watched him suck his cock. He'd never dared hope that these fantasies would eventually come true.

Rimmer kissed him tenderly between the shoulder blades. He would take it slow. He would be gentle. He didn't want to hurt him; he wanted this to be the best sex Lister had ever had in his whole life.

He made a small noise in his throat as Rimmer entered him, but he didn't seem to be in pain, and after a few moments he sighed deeply in unmistakeable contentment. Rimmer smiled and started to thrust slowly; and it wasn't long before Lister was moving with him, and by the time Rimmer was ready to explode, he knew Lister was too. He let himself go, unleashed all that pent-up passion that he'd lived with for so long and when he heard Lister crying out desperately beneath him, felt the sharp contraction of his muscles, he soared.

They lay panting for a while before Rimmer climbed off him. "Was it good?" he whispered breathlessly. Lister laughed weakly, "It was amazing, Rimmer."

"Was I as good as Alex?"

Lister smiled. Even at a moment like this, Rimmer had to ask; had to compete. At least he could answer him with something good. "Well, actually," he said, "I never did that with Alex." Rimmer's expression was shocked and amazed,

"You didn't?"

"No."

"_Never?_"

"No. You're my very first."

"Oh my God," he started to panic, "Was it okay? Did I hurt you?"

"It was perfect, Rimmer. Really. Just perfect."

"Wow," Rimmer was speechless, "I can't believe it."

"Aren't I your first?" Lister asked.

"Well, yes but...that kind of went without saying. I thought you'd...I can't believe you let me..."

"It's okay, Rimmer. Don't freak out." Lister snuggled up against him, starting to feel sleepy, "Give me a hug. I'm exhausted."

Rimmer put his arms around him and held him tight, "I still can't believe it..." Lister yawned and smiled sleepily, ignoring him. He'd get over it and Lister was too tired to talk about it anymore.

It was true what they said, he thought as he fell asleep, that friends really did make the best lovers.


End file.
